Breakups. One of the most emotional, self-esteem crushing, and heartbreaking experiences to go through. At least it feels that way at the time. Breakups hurt like hell, but they are a part of life, and likely to happen more than once. The good news? There’s ways to make them less painful. Here’s a list of ways to survive a breakup, and none of them include cliché’s like, “go get yourself another man” or “burn all of his stuff” because A) That’s dumb advice B) There’s better ways and C) That’s really dumb advice.
1. Find an inspirational quote that you like, any quote that speaks to you, and live by it. Mine was “I want to thrive, not just survive” and I used to write it on the inside of my hand every day. When I felt sad, I would look at it. You will be surprised at how much this will cheer you up.
2. A friend of mine taught me this trick, during my last breakup. Here it is: Write down 10 qualities that you liked about your ex. (Trust me on this one) Have them written down? Okay. Now go back to each quality, and write down someone else in your life that has that quality. This symbolically shows that there are other people in your life to fill those voids, and there are! Surround yourself with THOSE people!
3. Find a role model that you will never meet and let them make decisions for you. Let me explain. During a breakup, especially at first, it’s important to recognize that you may not be completely emotionally stable, and with that leaves room to make some bad decisions. Choose someone you look up to, like your favorite author, singer, or actor, and make decisions based on what you think THEY would tell you to do. Should I text my ex at 3 AM? Meryl Streep says, NO!
4. Don’t, and I repeat DO NOT play the social media game. You know, the one where you are putting subliminal messages via your status, and posting countless selfies of yourself with quotes like “behind these eyes, was a girl that loved about you.” NO, NO, NO. This is the time for you to better yourself, not for you to try and think of ways to catch his attention. The more time you spend doing these things, the longer it’s going to take to heal.
5. If you ended on bad terms (or maybe even if you didn't), delete him and anyone else that is going to make you upset or post things you won’t want to see, off of social media. Think that’s being too dramatic? It’s not. You care about yourself, and it isn’t dramatic to protect yourself from getting hurt even more. All you need to focus on is you. Afraid that he will say something mean if you delete him? Good. Let him. Just add that to the list of reasons why you shouldn’t be together. You’re doing what’s right for you; anyone worth having in your life will understand that.
6. Don’t fall for temporary highs. Think going out and getting drunk with your girls is the answer? Tell that to your future self that is crying while vomiting into someone else’s toilet. Sure, you may feel a nice little jolt of empowerment after a shot or two, but temporary highs don’t count when it comes to finding real happiness. Plus, Hangovers suck.
7. Put every gift, every picture, and everything that reminds you of him, into a box and give that box to someone you trust. Before you go throwing away or burning all of your memories, remember that you may regret it later on. When the time comes (AFTER you have moved on), you can choose what to do with the box of stuff.
8. Do something special for yourself, every day. During breakups, it’s so easy to let ourselves go and not care about how we look or, well…much of anything. While you shouldn’t focus on the superficial parts of you, you should focus on how YOU feel about yourself. Try a new eye shadow, splurge on those shoes you’ve had your eye on, fulfill a goal you’ve always wanted to do. The key is to feel a sense of self-accomplishment, which is one of the best feelings you can feel, especially during a breakup.
9. FIND AN OUTLET! Running, volunteering, knitting…doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you do it! It is very important to have something to look forward to, to keep you motivated. You never know, you may meet a life long friend or discover a new talent!
10. Set aside a time everyday to grieve. Crying is an important part of getting over something, because it allows you to release emotions that need released. However, this is life we are talking about, and with that comes responsibilities. Work, School, it’s all going to keep moving forward, regardless of your emotional state. So, set up a time to grieve. For me, it was at night, the time when I often felt the worse. I would write to my ex, in a journal (that he would of course, never read), getting out all of my emotions and frustrations, and I would cry… a lot. But, the beautiful thing about crying is that it is therapeutic. The more you allow yourself to grieve, the faster you will be back to feeling happy, and the closer you will be to finding the right person for you. Before you know it, you won't need to grieve anymore.
And above all, remember that you’re beautiful, and when the right person comes along, he/she is going to see that right away and show you why it never worked out with anyone else. Think about it. There is someone out there, living and breathing, probably going through the same things you are, who is waiting to meet you. Okay, okay… so that part WAS a little cliché, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. :)
So, I bet you are starting to wonder, who am I to tell you how to survive a breakup? Without shame, I will say that I have been through some really tough breakups, including laying in bed for months straight not wanting to do anything, being cheated on with another guy, and other bizarre scenarios that you wouldn't ever think would happen to a person. I’ve lived it, and I not only survived, I thrived. ;)